Archive for the 'writings' Category

How Did I Get So Funny?

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

It was my mom. She has the sense of humor in the family, but that’s not the answer to that particular question at this time. What brought this up was a little piece of my past I discovered trying to let the cool, autumn-like air into my bedroom Sunday morning. Hidden for about three years was a container that had an old light bulb, old business cards, some screws, a mood ring (”Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”) and an old, tiny notebook which had to be 10 years old I had used for a few months to write down ‘funny’ things.

There are a few things inside that were told to me including this camp fire song that — at the time — I thought the guy who told me had made himself. Can you tell I never went to camp? Plus this quote that made me laugh back then. I’ve no idea why I thought it was funny:

I don’t want to appear brazen.

And, of course, some things I had thunk up myself or co-wrote in some conversation I was having. Let the sharing begin…

  • Skit idea: a back alley abortion clinic run by Dr. Hook.
  • “I’m sweet and low, and have no equal.”
  • “Intelligence is not simple-minded.”
  • “Men are pigs but life would be a boar without them.”
  • Confession on a date: “I should warn you I suffer from premature ejac… oops!”
  • “Life is like a bowl of cereal. If it’s not fruits or nuts, it’s flakes.”

Hohoho! Funny stuff indeed. Well, I still like the pigs/boar one.

Get your fresh funny over at humor-blogs.com.

Listening to: “Welcome To The Jungle” - Guns N’ Roses
Guns N' Roses - Appetite for Destruction - Welcome to the Jungle

An Antisocial Review

Tuesday, August 14th, 2007

I swear some of my most inspired and funny writing ends up in comment sections of blogs. Not that I mind terribly as I get giddy if at least one person laughs as those tiny comment boxes force me to edit my wit with this old entertainment adage in mind: ‘Time is money. Fast is funny.’

The latest I left was a review on a self-publishing retail site called Lulu.com. Diesel’s book of comedic writings (read: blog posts) is now available for purchase and as a favor to one of my blog buddies, I reviewed it for the site.

It was one of those rare moments where something simply flows from you. I struck on the word ‘love’ and then tried my damnedest to sound like your typical gushing albeit pompous critic. “Wait,” you ask. “How can you review a book you’ve never read?” Ah, I have! It’s all on his blog — somewhere. If you want to take to time to use the search form and look them all up. How gauche. No, it’s much better to have a book between your fingers and the familiar smell of fresh print up your nose. (I think I just coined some new drug slang.)

The point? Oh, yes. I’ve read a lot of it already, so… I know.

So without further ado, here is my first ever review of a humor book:

Love is defined in many different ways. Some love because of dependence. Others love because it is the only perfect emotion in the human spectrum and drives many to the highest in artistic achievement when that perfection is lost.

Rob Kroese is an author whose writing falls no where near either of these definitions of love. Kroese is the Attention Deficit Disorder poster child of love with a book that covers anything that damn well pleases him. Many would call that being a virtuoso, a prodigy or idiot-savant. In fact, due to the flying bullets of topics flying all around the reader, he covers all three of the aforementioned much to the chagrin and ugly envy of his fellow writers who would decry Kroese’s ability to make the reader laugh not only at the cornucopia of topics, but also — and most importantly — at the mundane.

No other humor writer matches this ability sans one. Kroese has defined his niche and it is as the heterosexual David Sedaris. Yes, Virigina, that is possible. Just peek between the covers.

The love here is strong and reading Antisocial Commentary is like sleeping in fresh sheets every night next to the person of your most impossible fantasy: Abe Vigoda.

So if you suddenly are overwhelmed with the undulating desire to buy it, here’s my gift to you. The link.

Want more reviews of the funny? Try Humor-Blogs.com.


Listening to: “Faberge Falls for Shuggie” - Of Montreal
Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? - Faberge Falls for Shuggie

Jacob Grenz

Tuesday, August 7th, 2007

I posted my interview with Denver musician Jacob Grenz over on Waking Up With Morning Song. He’s another in what seems to be a string of former Jevovah’s Witness who are coming to grips with their sexuality and finding acceptance outside of the community in which they grew up. Jacob turned most of that energy into his music. He was very sweet and more grounded than you would expect from a musician / model. Yes, there is a bit of man flesh posted with the interview. (There. I’ve just given WUWMS its biggest day of hits ever.)

Other than that, I have one funny thing to share. This morning Eduardo played Nine Inch Nails’ “Starfuckers, Inc.” back-to-back with Carpenters’ “Superstar”. I laughed until I realized how eerily appropriate the two songs are to one another.


Listening to: “Sick Of Elephants” - Andrew Bird
Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha - Sick of Elephants

James Roy: A Journey To Begin

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

Here is the second feature article I wrote for Metromode about another local Denver music artist. The cool thing about James is that he started his own record label to support his music so he actually has his business crap together. It was fun talking to him because I have such an interest in music production myself, so we talked about mixing techniques and tips. The interview lasted well over two hours. Plus it helps that James is a sweetheart as well. Give him a listen. In the meantime, read the article by clicking the link below to make the article magically appear.

To find more information about James Roy and his music, visit his website where you can order CD’s, join his mailing list and download free ringtones.


Listen to and purchase James’ music on
James Roy


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All original material copyright © 2004-2008 Howard Semones