Conversation between a customer and myself at the video store:

Me: Do you need a bag?

Customer: Yes, I do.

Me: (pointing towards my co-worker) Take him.

Customer: But is he paper or plastic?

Me: Mmmmm, he’s definitely plastic.

Listening to: Everybody Finds Out - Fleetwood Mac

This is too easy! It’s like the funny is pre-installed. Here is the story from imdb.com and World Entertainment News Network:

Paris Hilton shocked revelers at a Las Vegas nightclub when she got up to perform but ended up vomiting on stage instead. Singer Joshua Radin was among the guests who went to a nightclub to hear rapper Shawn ‘Jay-Z’ Carter perform and found himself sitting next to the socialite-turned-singer. Radin writes on his MySpace page, "Paris Hilton was sitting next to me the whole night. Seriously, next to me, like our legs were touching for a good five hours. Now don’t get the wrong idea. She never once said hello, nor even looked in my direction. Five hours. And it was unreal to watch. She must have pulled a compact out of her bag every six minutes to stare at herself and pose while Jay-Z was performing eighteen inches from us." Radin writes that when Jay-Z left the stage, "Paris, who had been swilling straight vodka from (a) Grey Goose bottle for hours, gets up on stage, has the people in charge throw her ‘record’ on the house stereo for her to lip sync two of her songs. She gets up on the stage, pukes, leaves…" Radin adds, "I find the music business charming."

Listening to: Missionary Man (Extended Version) - Eurythmics

The crazed and fractured geniuses at Think Geek have come up with what others have only made jokes about. They have put Bluetooth technology into those old-fashioned rotary phone handsets. That’s right, all you have to do is hide your cell phone somewhere on your person and enjoying a stimulating conversation with your friends about the latest Brady Bunch episode or any other 50’s, 60’s or 70’s reference you can collectively come up with.

This is a great way to fill that need for attention that has been gnawing at you. Of course, most of the attention will not be positive — mostly just stares with open mouths.  Now if they’d only make a Princess Phone version so you can go around the rich and exclusive shopping centers like, say, Cherry Creek in Denver and subversively start the latest tasteless trend.  Except the princess version will cost $349 because it’s so hard to get the wires though that tiny, little handle. At least that’s what the ad will say. We all know it’s because the trendy will pay that much to maintain their ‘cool’. And we all know there is nothing more cool than walking through a high-end mall, carrying your little chihuahua and talking on your cordless princess phone.

Listening to: (And I am not kidding you, this started almost exactly when I looked up the spelling of chihuahua) Jesusita De Chihuahua - Esquivel