A while back the fabulous Mr. Fabulous of Pointless Drivel did a twist on the meme. He asked his readers to indicate they wanted to be tagged and then he would send them five questions based on his research into that person’s blog. Here’s what he sent:

1. Your blog’s tag line is “Incorrigible. Like a Kitchen Gadget.” If you could be any kitchen gadget you wanted to be, which would you choose and why?
A Ronco Inside-The-Shell Egg Scrambler. It would be much easier to get inside some one’s head and just fuck it all up. Plus after me, when you’re boiled with love, you’ll get a more — shall I say — homogenized hardness.

2. I think we can agree that we will never truly know Who Let the Dogs Out, but now that they are out, don’t you think they are better off?
No. Now, like Paul Wolfowitz, they are out to spread even more havoc and they will do nothing to help the world’s poverty. The dogs should take their bitches some place where they won’t cause a conflict of interest — like prison.

3. When the aliens finally land and start turning us all into chutney, what will be your argument to them that they should let you live?
“Well, yes, I am a fruit, but I’m bitter and tart (Not a tart. Smart asses). Nothing dipped in me will come out tasting good. Trust me.”

4. My blog has two columns and yours has three. Do you think you are better than me?
Of course not. Your name has the word ‘fabulous’ in it. Mine is just an old English name that no one uses anymore. My name inspires gray, dreary days and cucumber sandwiches. Yours says, “You best be using jazz hands every time you say my name or you’ll find yourself mopping the floors in my chintz factory. Now kick higher, bitches. Fosse would be doing the box step in his grave if he saw this kind of un-fabulous performance!” Or am I projecting?

5.There is only about six years’ age difference between us, yet except for a love for Fountains of Wayne, our music tastes are fairly different, in that you seem to be much more in tune with the music of today. How do you stay so young and hip?
Every month, Rolling Stone sacrifices one of their critics whose brain I eat thusly obtaining musical cred through digestion. Wait, that can’t be true. Rolling Stone hasn’t been hip in decades. In all seriously though I’m just a big music whore. My cool factor has definitely gone from Top 40 in the 80’s to underground stuff that radio would never play. Which I’m cool because of and with.

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Wanna play now? Here’s how:

• Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
• I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
• You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
• You include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
• When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
• Rinse. Repeat.

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Mr. Fabulous is one of my favorite comedy bloggers and you should check out his site to get your funny on. He also answers all of the comments left. When I checked, his first post had 77 comments so not only is he hard working, he’s conscientious of his readers.

He also hosts his own Internet radio show which I have the honor of co-hosting on May 27th! So exciting!

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Listening to: “Madman Across The Water (Original Version)” - Elton John

Godwhacker paid me an honor last week by awarding me a Thinking Blogger award, so I’m spreading the love. Here are five bloggers who make me think:

• Andy @ The Spicy Cauldron: Not only are his observations spot on, but I’ve never been more informed about British politics.
• John @ johnsadowski.com: His paintings, doodles and love of visual art cause me to look me to ponder two things: what do these pictures make me feel and what the hell is John thinking about when he does them.
• Belledame @ Fetch Me My Axe: Makes me look at feminism in many, new ways.
• Good As You: This group of bloggers not only hit the mark on bringing to light hypocrisy and discrimination, but they do it with great humor.
• Heather @ Clizbiz: Not only does she make me think, she also makes me howl in laughter, so usually what I’m thinking is, “Damn you, woman, for your crazy writing skills!”

Of course, there is Godwhacker himself as the most down-to-earth conpsiracy theorist I’ve ever read. Check them all out. They have all made me look at their subject matter through different filters and I thank them for it.

Listening to: The Belle Of St. Mark - Sheila E

This post is Andy’s fault! Of course, I could have ignored his tag, but what’s the fun in that especially since I know ALL of you are so interested in reading the reasons. The fun part is to decide who I want to answer the question (aka tag). Of course, I could be a complete jerkwad and pick some bad blogs and say, “So tell us why the hell ARE you blogging? Get off my Internet!” but that would be mean, so I won’t.

Five Reasons I Blog

1. Year Of The Sheep
Everyone else was doing it and since I was born in the Year Of The Sheep then it makes sense that I follow blindly. Besides, I love it when a dog nips at my heels, I get zapped with a cattle prod and some big, strong man holds me down to shear me.

2. Staving Off The End Of The World
Because of the high demand for my brand of humor, if I didn’t give people a place to find me then mass riots and chaos would ensue bringing down governments, malls and the porn industry. This would expose the dark underbelly of our society, so by blogging, I’m saving the world as we know it. You’re welcome.

3. Blogging For Illumination
As the late Doug Henning (with whom I shared my birthday — he’s dead, not I) said, “Magic is illusion and illusion can be magical”. Of course, he said that while wearing overalls with a unicorn (“They took my freakin’ kidney!”) on the chest — but I digress. Let’s substitute blogging for magic and we get the same effect. We are in essence creating our own world with living, breathing characters called letters and we are the master of that domain to control, create and ultimately destroy like the spiteful, vengeful blog god we all are. We control this world. The letters must do what we say! We’re the god! WE’RE THE GOD!

…or is it all just an illuuuusion?

4. For Me
Interestingly enough, I’m glad I waited on this as Heather and I had a long talk at HDW’s birthday party about how much of our ego is wrapped up in our blogs. All of us who blog have our egos in our blogs. Anyone who says differently is in denial. You are putting yourself out there in some aspect which involves your ego. The degree of that involvement obviously depends on the blogger. Heather asked me if I get upset when no one comments and I answered honestly — only when I’m proud of what I’ve written say with the “Life Through A Peephole” post. Not many commented on what I thought was a good satirical piece and it bugged me a little, but then I don’t want to put a big sign up on the posts that I like saying “please comment as my world will end if you don’t tell me if you liked this or not”. That’s what the ‘favorite posts’ section is for. So, yes, I like feedback (to answer Heather). The blog is for me to try my hand at comedic writing (this is all on the ‘about’ page). Basically, everything on this blog has made me laugh, think or both and that’s why I do it for me. Oh, yes, blogging is extremely cathartic.

5. For You
Yes. You. You who are Time’s Person Of The Year. You, who helped Baraka Obama decide to run for President. This blog is for you as well. Any blog that claims to be a humor blog is NOT just doing it for themselves. Sorry. Comedians are whores. We WANT attention and none of my comedic friends best be denying that. So, yes, I blog to not only make myself laugh, but because it’s a public arena, I want you to laugh, too. That’s why I act goofy. That’s why I’m in a comedy troupe. That’s why I blog. There is no drug known to mankind that gets me higher than working hard for comedy and it succeeding. The best feedback is laughter especially if it’s typed out in some indecipherable acronym. LSHTMICOMN!

…and now for those to tag. Hmmmm… checking my blogroll… it should be people who I haven’t discussed this in depth with… I would like to hear why Heather, Spooky (because I want to see animated pictures of his reasons), Mr. Fantastic, Hayes and let’s see… someone new… Ah! Misfit Duck all blog. Plus — I’m not finished yet — I would like to hear why Lorne DOESN’T blog. Lorne, you can leave your five reasons in the comments section.

This has been Evil Howard signing off.

Listening to: Walk Like An Egyptian - The Bangles

Okay, Willow tagged me with this meme that Andy started back on Dec 17. How it got back to me, I’ll never know, so my first on the list will be:

• Being out of touch with the connections that are outside of my conscious reality. Or is it that my reality knows all the connections, but in order to keep life interesting it blocks the portions of the reality I create meaning no one is real and the reality I’ve created only says there are 6.5 billion people in the world, but I only know of a few otherwise my brain would explode? You know what? Forget that. I find Friedrich Nietzsche annoying.
• The term ‘uniquely different’. Isn’t the fact that it’s different make it unique?
• Colitis. Especially when it’s caused by running into a tree and getting stitches. Although it makes a great diet program.
• Celebrity melt-downs. Although, I got a great pop-up book from Larry simply due to the phenomena being so overblown of late…
• And speaking of which, let’s add celebrity gossip blogs to the list. It’s one thing to bring to light the stupidity of some celebrities when they know they are in the limelight (Lindsey & Britney going "vajayjay alfresco" for instance), but to basically slander another human just gets tiring and those bloggers are finally starting to get sued. There will always be a market for gossip, which is fine, but treat it with some integrity. Well, at least, bring it up to the the Fox News level of journalistic reporting.
• Those damn dancing silhouetted people in those damn mortgage financing web ads. Not only are they distracting as hell (the point of them, I know), but all they remind me of is iPod commercials, so instead of buying a home I want to go out and get more Apple products.
• Since I mentioned it in my New Year’s post, people who can only debate through reactionary means and using solely emotional arguments. Call me Mr. Spock all you want (as long as you think of me as evil, Van Dyck-ed Spock, it’s cool), but there is nothing like a logical debate that is expressed emotionally.
• Not having a notebook to record all the hilarious things I think of every five minutes when I’m away from a computer. Damn, Cameron fixed that by getting me one for Xmas.
• The Blu-Ray vs. HD DVD format battle. Did we learn nothing from Betamax vs. VHS? Yes, the winner will get all sorts of usage fees and whatnot, but in the meantime consumers are at a loss. I certainly won’t be upgrading until it’s settled. I learned my lesson when our family went Betamax in the 80’s. Never again.
• A non-existent work ethic especially at jobs where this much () extra effort would get you an employee of the year award.
• And finally, the fact that my toilet is always getting dirty. Even when I shower every day, drink only water and eat nothing but fiber, eventually the toilet gets dirty again.

I now have toilet brush in hand and am headed to the bathroom on my week off. I’m going to tag Hayes with this meme because he hasn’t blogged in a while.

Listening to: Sukas Are Born Every Minute - L.E.O.