[Told in the style of Mr. Fabulous]

Avast me mateys! ‘Tis that time again to be spendin’ the day talkin’ like a pirate, so prepare yerself for the tellin’ of a tale. Be pullin’ up a bottle o’ rum and puttin’ on ye eye patch — for this tale be in 3-D!

The treasure be dug up. The crew be happy and well paid, so Poupee Pieces, Cap’n o’ the Gai Canot, be dockin’ for some shore leave in his favorite port on Ilede Incertain to be findin’ some rest and relaxation. Walkin’ through yon port town with bags full o’ gold and lust in his satin buccaneer, he be lookin’ to be puttin’ away his cutlass in some wenche’s sheath IF ye be knowin’ what I be meanin’.

He be stoppin’ at the finest establishment in Port Repos, The Blooming Clam, where he be hagglin’ with the proprietor to find the best booty booty can buy — with some extra doubloons given to be keepin’ himself off the madam’s ‘call’ list. Up the stairs he be climbin’ to the Crow’s Nest suite to meet Violet Barnacle known for her ability to remain attached to the softest of surfaces.

The door be openin’ and Cap’n Pieces peeps into the porthole he be about to install. Violet be knowin’ her part well. Smooth as his boat through calm waters, she be slidin’ over to the Cap’n to undo his breeches to inspect the ship’s canon to make sure it be loaded and ready fer firin’. His pirate garb then be hittin’ the floor.

Violet looks and screams.

“What manner of beast be you, gov’ner?” she cries. “Where’s your plank? You ain’t got no deck to swab!” she says with despair and fear in her voice.

“But, me dear…” the Cap’n stammers.

“What sort of devil, are you? You ain’t got no genitalia! I can’t be doin’ me job when there be no prow to pillage! Get out! Get you, you mon….”

“Howard! What’s all that racket down there?”

“Uh, nothing, Mom. Just, uh, watching a movie!”

“Well, keep it down! I can’t hear my stories when you keep playing ‘Shore Leave’ with your pirate dolls!”

“Yes, Mother! …arrr.”

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day, Everyone!

Let Humor-Blogs.com be ye map to be plundering some funny treasure.

Be listenin’ to: “Rescue” - Lucinda Williams

It’s been a while since the blog has picked up an award. I like to call them rewards for trying to give the blog the love it needs to be the highest quality. I said trying! The Spicy Cauldron pitched this one to several saying it was in “acknowledgement of the fine reading material you all offer up for free to the world”.

Hey, I’m not above getting paid for this stuff. Just sayin’.

You can check out the blogroll to see all those that I read and enjoy, but I wanted to name some that I never miss in completely random order.

• Craig @ Puntabulous
• Godwhacker @ Godwhacker
• Mr. Fabulous @ Pointless Drivel
• Spencer @ A Rubber Door
• Diesel @ Mattress Police - Antisocial Commentary
• Bossy @ i am bossy
• Jami @ Not THAT Different
• Scott @ Scott-O-Rama
• SinisterDan @ The Reasonable Ego
• Hot Doctor Wife @ Green Apple Martini
• Heather @ Clizbiz
• Hayes @ qPlog
• Leland @ HermitBlog

And, of course, Andy who gave me the award. Now my fingers are just tired of copying and pasting links. Let’s make this easy — if you’re in my blogroll, you are wuvved.

UPDATE: There was a coding mistake and now it doesn’t look like Mr. Fabulous writes A Rubber Door anymore.

Listening to: “Minimal” - Pet Shop Boys

The Apples In Stereo
New Magnetic Wonder
(Simian Records)

For years, Denver-based The Apples In Stereo has given us bright, shiny catchy-as-hell pop. The kind that you would hear from the 60’s with mini-skirts and beehive hairdos to go - psychedelic with flowery imagery about sunshine and love, but don’t let that deter you from giving them a listen especially when you’re feeling blue.

With their new album Robert Schneider and crew have finally stepped forward. Into the 70’s. New Magnetic Wonder is rooted in pop sensibilities of The Beatles, The Zombies and Strawberry Alarm Clock, but has added the production designs of Jeff Lynne (Electric Light Orchestra) heavily into the mix. It’s not bad although the use of a vocoder does become a bit overwhelming at times.

In between many of the songs are what can be described as experimental sonic doodling. They are a fun distraction at times, but sometimes interrupt the flow of the songs. Thankfully, they are only a few seconds long which has the effect of upping the anticipation of the next song.

The first half of the album is the best with the crunchy “Can You Feel It?”, the AM rock of “Skyway”, the 70’s folk love child “Energy” and the modern sounding “Same Old Drag”. The highlight here is the closest thing you’ll find to a ballad on the entire set, “Play Tough”. With the lethargic guitar strumming and Beach Boys-style harmonies, Schneider sings to a love interest that it’s going to take more effort to “play me for a fool”. It’s a stunning song with honest emotion.

The rest of the album takes more listens to plumb the depths especially “Open Eyes” which has to be their ode to the prog-rock of Pink Floyd, Yes and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. The glue here is Schneider’s voice — a higher-pitched tenor — that displays surprising versatility in the non-60’s pop songs. Just listening to him sing gives you the feeling of being infused with flower power. Being that no one could agree on the summer song of 2007, it’s sad that this album which is chocked full of summery pop was overlooked.

Listening to: “Celebrate Youth” - Rick Springfield

The weekly collection of interesting reads from around the blogosphere.
Want to display your pride in making the roundup? Click here.

You know how it feels to inspire someone? Pretty great, eh? Unless you’ve inspired them to riot and then, well, you should run to the highest position in a building like all the idiot characters do on TV and in the movies. Well, Chris at My 2 Cents started his own version of a roundup this week and said it was little, ole, modest me who was one of a couple of people who helped convince him to do one. Coincidentally, he had already made my roundup this week for this video find that celebrates digital stimulation.

The Spicy Cauldron is having its 2nd annual Spicy Awards. This year’s word is ‘cauldron’, so if you have a great post within the past year you want to write, then follow these simply instructions to enter.

SinisterDan couldn’t find anything funny this past week, yet somehow this post turned out to be giggleful.

We’re a few days into Rosh Hashana — you don’t know what that is? Bossy has a great tutorial.

Relatively new to my reading list is Nathan Exposed. I could easily say, “Yes! There are naked pictures of him everywhere!” just to drive up his traffic, but then you’d all be mad at me. How about something to give you a heart-on then? (Waa-waa-waaah). He made a very simple observation and brought it to its cockle-warming conclusion.

A “Sock Drawer” posting? That’s what Diesel calls his random thoughts posts. (Love that description. Damn you, Diesel!) His latest is here because of a great Spice Girls reference. The Windows stuff is pretty funny, too.

And finally, The Frog Bog had a list of the (I can’t believe I’m typing this) Five Greatest Power Ballads Of All Time! You have been warned.

Listening to: “Prove Your Love” - Taylor Dayne