Look What I Got
Friday, August 31st, 2007 at 2:39 pmGrabbing the mail when I got home this afternoon, I noticed there were a couple of hefty packages. My hands were already full, so I didn’t look right away. I started to noticed a peculiar smell. “Is that the odor of a sweatshop filled with children?” I asked myself. Curious, I sorted through the mail and found this:
“Now who could have used their own children to send me a package,” thought I. The only way to find out was to open it. And THIS is what I found inside:
Uh, heh. Heh. You weren’t supposed to see that. THIS is what I found inside:
A new book? By Rob… uh… By Diesel! Now how did I get that? Oh, yes, the brainwashing sessions. The horrible repeated watching of Waterworld. The agonizing albeit delicious pain of the electrodes to the nipples. That’s right, just like a zombie, I ordered it via the Internet. “Wait! Wasn’t he supposed to sign it?”
SQUEAL! He did! Except that I can’t really make it out. Let me get a closer look!
Oh, no! I can’t read it! It’s like in Esperanto or something! I only have an education from the public school system of South Carolina which makes me GOOORgeous, but as useless as a garlic press at a bachelor pad. By Steve Jobs, I’ve got it! I’ll stand on my head and read it!
That’s much better. *giggle* I, like, like having all this blood rush to my cranial cavity. It doth trigger my precocious entity into the transcendence paramount of human experience where I may mingle like a myrmecophile unto the inarticulate masses.
And I totally know where the United States of America is on a map! Thanks, Diesel. You made me smart.
Want to be even smarter? Visit Humor-Blogs.com where you can order your own copy of the book.
Listening to: “Everybody Loves A Happy Ending” – Tears For Fears
August 31st, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Hahahahahahahahaha!
Great start to my weekend!
August 31st, 2007 at 4:19 pm
No one speaks of Esperanto anymore.
Quite sad actually.
August 31st, 2007 at 4:54 pm
I’m just relieved that you know how to read :P
August 31st, 2007 at 6:02 pm
If only Mr. Diesel had mentioned somewhere that he had a book out, I might have ordered one.
For shame, Mr. Diesel, for shame.
August 31st, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Hold on here, the blood went to your cranial cavity? I think something is wrong.
August 31st, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Man, it looks like a retarded monkey scribbled in that book!
August 31st, 2007 at 11:43 pm
sweet! I can’t wait for mine, it wasn’t in the mail today. The book I mean. The wig unfortunately is on back order. :P
On a serious note I am looking forward to reading it and anyone who hasn’t ordered Diesel’s book yet will be missing out!
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Howard- I can’t believe it! You got yours Friday and mine STILL isn’t here! I always knew Diesel liked you better.
September 3rd, 2007 at 5:19 pm
I’d like to see you in the wig. :-)
September 4th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Kath – Glad to help
Big Daddy – yeah, it would be fun.
EWB – I’m full of surprises.
My Lord – How dare he treat royalty that way? I will petition the Queen forthwith!
Lewis – well, I wasn’t very smart at that point. The smartness happened a few words later.
Diesel – Oh, silly. You aren’t a monkey.
Chris – HUZZAH!
Frogster – BWAH–HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Andy – If I can get the video for me doing Carol Channing 3, then you will be able to see it.
September 4th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Carol Channing 3? Wow. Me thinks you should be uploading your life to YouTube… Or at least the drag parts of it… x
September 5th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
It was taped, so I’m going to check to see if I can get my hands on it.