Larry Craig Needs Some Improv Classes
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Finally caught, Senator Larry Craig has been exposed (huh, I said exposed) before with only rumor. I mean there were reports back in October of last year by Pam’s House Blend and Blogactive, so this news (yawn!) is not surprising.
What is surprising is a seasoned Senator not being able to come up with anything other than the old I-was-looking-for-a-piece-of-paper excuse. C’mon! You were tapping your foot. There are tons of reason for doing this (and, by the way, thanks so much for blowing that code. Huh, I said blowing.)
Here are five I came up with off the top of my head:
- You were listening to a kick-ass Molly Hatchet song on our iPod shuffle (see, it’s so small you could easily have “lost” it) and were just toe tapping
- You thought there was a scorpion in your shoe from your recent camping trip and were testing your shoe delicately so not to arouse (huh, I arouse) its ire
- You were going through your next speech and needed to count the beats to wait before delivering your dramatic point of why gays are bad for the best impact of your speech
- You thought the cop was a terrorist spy and you were tapping out bad information in morse code to help keep our country safe from places that don’t have
plutocracydemocracy in which case we don’t understand them and must destroy due to our ignorance - You were impatiently waiting for your poop to fall
…or you were just looking for a piece of paper.
Why don’t you people just own up to this stuff? All you are doing is hurting your party and doing a major disservice to your constituents by getting elected under false pretenses. Or as that information hoarding bitch, Glenda The Good Witch Of The North, says, “Come out. Come out! Where ever you are! Now begone before someone drops a tell-all book on you.”
Glenda signed a full-disclosure agreement with Humor-Blogs.com as part of her public service sentence after being found guilty of endangering Dorothy Gale’s life.
Listening to: “Time Passages” - Al Stewart
August 29th, 2007 at 12:29 am
LOL! Personally I love the last 2
August 29th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Me doth think he protest-eth too much…eth?
Whatever.
Here’s the burning questions, though:
Was he on a layover?
or
Does one look on the internet for such hook-up’s? Like, “Mmm, stall 5 is where it’s AT!”
And by burning, I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ll sleep alright anyway.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Steve:
Good, that means I choose correctly when trying to end with a bang.
HDW:
Huh, you said layover. I believe you can also go on Craig’s List (and who in Idaho isn’t on THAT list) and set up a meeting to.
uh, so I’ve heard.
August 29th, 2007 at 11:27 am
“I borrowed my friend’s car and it was a standard and my calf wasn’t used to working out with a clutch, so I developed a nasty twitch in my lower leg.”
“I was trying to sharpen the crease in my pants, and when I pulled up on the knee, my foot rose and fell correspondingly.”
Yeah, he could have done better.
EVERYBODY knows stall 5 is where it’s at, er, according to a friend.
August 29th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Nice! More! I should just put an open-ended question for others to come up with other stuff. And I heard the same exact thing about stall #5.
August 29th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
I wondered if when he first did this years ago he used the paper bag trick. Crinkle crinkle!
August 29th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
I don’t know about that one. Please elaborate.
August 29th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Stall 6 has always worked for me.
The paper bag thing is you would stand in a bag so that peeps in the restroom couldn’t see how many legs [dudes] were in a stall.
At least, that’s what I gleaned from a John Waters interview.
August 29th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
How’s about :
He had a throbbing (!!) pain in his lower leg and thought it might be a DVT from flying. DVT. Deep (!!)
August 29th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
that is correct. The phrase is the sound of feet moving around in the bag.
‘Crinkle crinkle’ is used often by comic Jim Norton. I was a big fan of O&A back in their WNEW days and he used the line a lot on the show, usually when they were making fun of people like Michael Jackson hehe.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Poor little thing. Go easy on him, please….we’re both from Idaho. And that’s just the way we do it there….suck cock, lie, cover, and go home to our wives.
August 29th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
[...] at The Web Pen Blog, they explain why Senator Craig needs to take improv classes. Plus, a Wizard of Oz [...]
August 30th, 2007 at 8:05 am
Howard, I predict that he’ll be evaluated by a shrink. They’ll diagnose him with Restless Leg Syndrome. It all makes sense now :P
August 30th, 2007 at 9:04 am
I think RPS (restless penis syndrome) is more like it and don’t laugh… I’ve been suffering with it my whole life ;)
August 30th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Big Daddy:
I had no idea and I thought I was all ‘experienced’ and crap.
Kath:
Ew!
Chris C:
I learned something new today!
Lewis:
You’re married? Congrats!
EWB:
Haha, I wouldn’t doubt it atll.
Godwhacker:
Caaaaall me!
August 30th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
No, snookums, I’m not married (any longer). Merely mentioning the way it’s done in Idaho and other places like it. Plus, remember, we are all (supposed to be) innocent until proven guilty.
August 30th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Eh, it was just a joke to begin with. And I didn’t think that innocent until proven guilty thing was in affect with this administration. Habeas what?
August 30th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
not when you actually plead guilty as Mr. Craig did. :)
I say he resigns either Friday or Monday.
August 30th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Friday, if they want to bury the news. Monday, if the Republic party wants to make an example of him. I wouldn’t be surprised either.
September 4th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
This one took a weird twist today…Craig says he might not resign and is thinking of trying to reverse the plea.
Seriously, the pols we have in office, all of them are nothing but precocious smug assholes giving Americans the middle finger. 19% approval rating and Congress wants to bring back the guy who pleaded guilty to soliciting for sex in a public bathroom in a major metropolitan airport. Unfuckingbelievable.
One more fun part to this, one of his lawyers is none other then Billy Martin. No, not the dead former-Yankees manager, the attorney for Micheal Vick. I smell plea bargain…
September 5th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I meant pretentious. grrrr