Antisocial Commentary Release Party

Some may have noticed a certain guy who shows up in the Roundup on occasion. He certainly gets mentioned when I plug humor-blogs.com because he runs it and has made a nice community of people who are and who think they are funny — I’ll let you judge which category this blog belongs in.

Over the past few months of getting to know him via email and his blog posts, I’ve developed a little bit of a blog crush on him. No, it’s not sexual. You people are terrible! It’s one of those crushes where you are attracted to his T&A. Of course, I mean Talent & Autographing. If you haven’t read Mattress Police, you should. He has a great way of making the mundane funny. Or as I’ve rewritten “Candy Man” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:

Who take the mundane
Sprinkle it with odd
Cover it with cardboard
And be a writing god

…I never claimed to be a poet.

So here’s the deal. He is actually publishing his best posts into a book with which you can decorate your coffee table. It really brings out the weird architecture picture book, “Calvin & Hobbes” collections and sex toy catalog that are already strewn about your guest room. Plus this one you may actually read.

It’s called Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police and — to add peer pressure to this — all the cool kids are ordering it. It’s official release is August 15, but for a limited time you can pre-order it and he’ll, like, sign it and stuff. You should do it! I did it with Chuck Palahniuk when “Fight Club” was only a short story freshly published and I ran up to him going, “Mr. Palahniuk! Oh, Mr. Palahniuk! Can I have your autograph?” Yes, I used to hang out and work out with him on occasion when I was living in Portland. It’s my one claim to fame. Now I have the distinction of being the first person to have every asked him for his autograph simply because I was being a goofball.

Now you can be a goofball and pre-order Diesel’s book. It’s really worth it. Really. Why do I think so? Well, I’m certainly not getting paid to heap praises on him unless you count Karma points. All the real details are over at his site. I’m headed over there as soon as I hit ‘publish’ and pre-ordering mine just to prove that I’m a man of action. Huzzah, charge and whatnot!

Rick and Alf — formerly of Oddville fame — decided to come to the Monkey’s Uncle show last Monday night merely so Rick could show off his new iPhone. I just received an email which included first-hand proof that my soul has been officially stolen by Apple’s new technical wonder:

Don’t try to turn your computer screen to the side to see it in portrait view. That only works with the iPhone.

My doctor recently moved his practice to National Jewish Medical And Research Center and I went to visit him soon after the food poisoning incident (which was probably caused by something I ate on that Thursday and not Friday) in his new digs. National Jewish is strangely laid out compared to other medical centers, but, after being there for five minutes, I realized the simple logic of it and the place was then a breeze to navigate.

In the center of the building is a huge waiting room with at least six doors connecting it to other areas. I took my paperwork to the woman at the podium — almost as if she were our Maitre De — who then had me seated. National Jewish is known for its respiratory knowledge which is the reason Andrew Speaker, the TB guy and personal injury lawyer (Irony alert!), was here in Denver. The room was filled with the elderly all on oxygen. Yes, I asked the same question — why the hell are you in Denver?

As I meandered through the crowd, my eyes set upon this rather large feller in overalls, big, bushy beard, and a ball cap. He stuck out against the tide of blue hair and floral prints. I read his ball cap. I almost dropped my iPod as I was trying to choke down a boisterous laugh. Here in the middle of National Jewish was a stereotype of a older redneck wearing a hat that read:

A firm believer in Jesus.

Whether he understood the irony or not, it did taste delicious.

You know what is Alanis Morrisette ironic? humor-blogs.com.

Fair warning. I’ve put into motion a change in hosts, so the site and the blog may be unavailable for a time over the next couple of days. I’m going to have to turn off comments as well until the blog is situated again.

Thank you for your patience and the fact that I can’t hear the grumbling.

UPDATE: The move is finished and the blog is noticeable faster now. Honestly, I’m surprised I got it all done in a 7-hour time period.