New Occasional Series: Duh!
Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006 at 9:34 pmI’ve been ill lately with some sort of flu-like virus and have been lax in everything including my blog reading. I checked Bloglines this morning and there were 245 posts. Thankfully, most of them were news feeds and, frankly, am a bit tired of the news lately. I’m becoming more convinced that maybe something IS in the water.
Anyway, I ran across something today in the ever-shocking [yawn] Mark Foley ’scandal’ that caused me to add a new category to the blog. It’s called “duh”.
First, let’s talk about what Foley has done. Holding up a vote to go have cyber sex? Hilariously inappropriate! Why has Saturday Night Live not done this as a skit?
“And, now, members of Congress, let us pass this historic bill that will forever change the face of health care…”
“Oh, hold up! I got to slowly text message someone under age to get off. Can you give me about 20? I’m not used to typing ‘I’ve got a legislative branch you can tour with your lips and tongue, baby’ into my cell phone.”
Next, he checks himself into a treatment center. Boring! That’s the oldest escape plan in the world. Or as Mateo said today, “Yeah, and Robin Williams checked himself into treatment for alcoholism. We all know he went in to escape the shame of making RV.”
Then the horrible truth comes out that Foley was molested by a clergyman when he was a teen. Could this get anymore cliche? Don’t sit there in front of your screen being all shocked. You were thinking it. Yes, it is horrible that someone who devotes their life to piety would do that, but let me make this abundantly clear: this is not an excuse. In fact, there are no excuses. Swallow your pride and get help. He knew what he was doing was improper otherwise why try to hide it? In fact, it turns out, he didn’t do such a great job at that either. Pages were warned about his behavior — starting as early as 2001.
By the way, the age of consent in D.C. is 16. Think about all the possibilities with that. A government official’s job is quite hard and some obviously need a pretty, young thing to release the pressure.
And we get to the quote that caused the creation of the Duh series from Foley’s lawyer, David Roth:
Mark Foley wants you to know he is a gay man.
Everyone with me now: “DUUUUUH.”
One more note, Foley during the Clinton scandal said the former President had a “sad sexual addiction.” I love hypocrisy. It makes me giggle.
Listening to: Trapped In The Drive Thru - “Weird Al” Yankovic (which is a parody of R. Kelly’s “Trapped In The Closet”. iTunes knows what’s going on.)
October 4th, 2006 at 3:07 am
My mother-in-law is convinced if her grandchildren turn out to be gay that they can be “cured”. It stems from religion, all that shit.
October 4th, 2006 at 6:15 am
Great RANT!!!! I am so glad you brought up his quotes from the past and if he uses one more cliche …get me out of jail free…excuse, I think I am going to scream. The guy is one of the biggest hypocrites in Washington (and that is saying a lot since the town is full of them). What happened to the days of getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar and taking the punishment?
October 4th, 2006 at 10:00 pm
I wonder if we’ll find out that he had an overpowering mother and a weak father?
Seriously, I take issue with his declaration of being gay. In my book, guys who like to have sex with only other guys are homosexual. Being out, and being somehow involved in the overall Gay community, THAT is being Gay.
More simply put: Closeted = Homosexual, Out and involved = Gay (and also homosexual).
October 4th, 2006 at 10:24 pm
PS: I hope you feel better. I’m sure I’m not the only one who misses the frequency of your intelligent posts.
October 4th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
I loved this posting. After reading it, all I can see is Toot from Comedy Central’s ‘Drawn Together’ louldy, slowly drawing out her “DUHHHHHH” to sound like a horse.
October 5th, 2006 at 3:35 am
Yeah, this story is loaded with cliche and seems curiously nostalgic to me. The US media and politicians are still able to roll out the tired statements we used to see in the UK in newspapers and on TV.
I expect Foley to be next seen in public mincing, limp-wristed and singing I Am What I Am / I am a clergyman’s creation / Come text me now / Send me the sauce, ’cause of my persuasion / There’s two faces / And I want a sewer I have to climb in / More beer / And a clinic in which to hide in / Life’s a complete sham / When you eventually say / I Am What I Am…
Note that CAN be sung to the original tune…
Impressed, huh? I am. First thing in the morning here and I came up with that… x
October 5th, 2006 at 3:37 am
And something IS in the water. There’s an old post on my blog dating back years about it - referencing a UK news article. Just search for ‘Prozac in the drinking water’ and it should come up! So you’re right! Prozac, for starters, and ingredients from the contraceptive pill. In drinking water AND the oceans! Some say it’s the reason for a drop in numbers of male fish and fertility among many different species including our own. x
October 5th, 2006 at 9:09 am
Anybody wanna guess on how long it will be before the book comes out? Maybe a nice lyric from Linda Ronstadt for the title…. “Poor, poor pitiful me”…. and can the movie and the musical be far behind?
October 5th, 2006 at 1:54 pm
Foley has been outed here in Florida for many years. The absurdity of him being in charge of the attempt to protect minors on the internet is hypocracy at its worst.
Maybe they should put Speaker Hastert in charge of health and fitness.
October 5th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
I hope you feel better soon :)
October 5th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
Wow, this is what you get for being sick and falling behind. Even your boyfriend comments. The only thing I can add to all these great comments is that with Foley’s ‘outing’, I wish that he hadn’t.
I don’t want him playing for my team, thank you very much. Kav, you can have him back. :)
October 5th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Well, us straight people don’t want him playing for our team either. I guess the Christians can have him.
October 5th, 2006 at 10:09 pm
Oh I’m having a little fun with the situation over at A Rubber Door - fun at the expense of my burning in hell.
BTW - You can forget about a single man being elected in Florida anytime soon.
October 8th, 2006 at 9:11 pm
I wouldn’t say that he is on “our team”. I think most of us here tiered with the view from the closet a long long time ago.
October 9th, 2006 at 6:59 am
So he’s the guy on the sidelines that as a kid you know he wouldn’t be any good at anything, but an outside adult observer would pity him?