Just eight days until the film that is making me almost pee in my pants with excitement is released, Pirates Of Carrribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. There was a recent pirate skit on Saturday Night Live which I can’t find because NBC made everyone take down their pirated materials from places like YouTube. It was nothing but set-ups so the pirates at a convention could make "arrr" puns. The keynote speaker at the convention was Peter Sarrrsgaarrrrd.

I just read Peter Travers review of Dead Man’s Chest and he alluded to the fact that playing Will Turner’s father is none other than — no, not Peter, but — Stellan Skarrrsgarrrd.

It be doin’ me hearrrt good to be seein’ with me own deadlights the likes of Stellan Skarrrsgarrrd in yon pirate flick. Good, stout pirate name. Arrrrr. I wonder what he be thinkin’ about that scallywag, Axl Rose, sinkin’ his scurvy-ridden teeth deep into the flesh of one of his countrymen.

Listening to: Ornaments Of Gold - Siouxsie & The Banshees

Entertainment Weekly has a report up that J.K. Rowling is planning on killing off TWO characters for the seventh and final book in the Harry Potter series. This comes at a time when I’m about to pick up the series and read it again. Frankly — and go ahead and call me a rude synonym for a sentimentalist — I’m not sure I am yet ready to dive into Book 6 again. Oy.

So here are the official Web Pen predictions for the deaths in Harry Potter And The End Of The Series That Got Kids To Read Again:

1. Snape - He is the Judas character here. I believe that he is under an Unbreakable Vow with Dumbledore and that’s why the Headmaster always trusted him. Of course, that begs the question: does an Unbreakable Vow break when one of the persons dies? And is Dumbledore actually dead? Remember, his ‘familiar’ or pet IS a phoenix. Regardless, Snape will show his true colors colours (we are talking about a British book here), finally, and will be killed by Voldemort or one of his minions in his great ‘redemption’ moment. Possibly in an assassination attempt or to rob You-Know-Who of some power that will open the door for Harry to kill him. Harry has to kill him. It has been prophesied, so let it be done! Thusly:
2. Voldemort - C’mon. Yes, the books are great reads and they have turned a younger generation onto reading again, but they are just pulp fantasy novels. Granted, they are well-designed pulp novels, but nonetheless just pop works of art. Therefore they must follow a formula and so the bad guy must get his in the end. Period. I would love to be proven wrong since I love surprises, but I can’t imagine Rowling giving the world another round of sobbing like she did in Book 6. I just don’t think my poor heart can take it!

Listening to: Casanova In Hell - Pet Shop Boys

Just got back from helping the Rodents Of Unusual Size with their show and looking forward to having some nights off from commitments. I’ve been going non-stop for a couple of weeks now, which I just found out ended tonight and not tomorrow. I had a jury summons for tomorrow morning and was actually looking forward to experiencing that civic duty for the first time in my 39 years of life.

So I grab my summons, fill out the questionnaire to take with me in the morning and am getting ready for an early bunk down to get some rest when I notice something on the summons I’d forgotten about. They have a website! Perhaps they will have the address of the parking garage recommended in the paperwork! Instead I get another reminder — I’m supposed to check to see if I’m still required to go downtown.

They have a range of juror numbers and if you fall within the range you to report to the courthouse. I check my juror number. I miss it by 63 juror candidates. In other words, I have to go to work in the morning. Poo. I was looking forward to reliving my Navy days with the hurry and wait situations, and, of course, making a good dent into the book I’m reading. Although they may not have appreciated the title of the book down at the courthouse. It’s Terry Pratchett’s latest: Thud.

Listening to: Pretending - Michael Penn

For those of you into the Spider-Man mythology, it is no longer a rumor. Seems that Sam Raimi has changed his mind about the symbiote, Venom (Topher Grace), and will incorporate the story line into Spider-Man 3.

You so need to see the teaser trailer. Right now!

Along with Sandman (Thomas Haden Church) and the new Green Goblin (James Franco), it looks like Peter (Tobey Maguire - he’s 31 today!) will have his hands full with a new girlfriend/wife and a new costume that is actually a living being. Cool!

The best thing for me? (Coz I know you are curious.) Just like Spider-Man 1, it opens on my birthday weekend — May 4th to be exact. Squeal! Guess where Howard is going to have his birthday party? In the biggest and best theater in Denver surrounded by his friends. (I love speaking in third-person). And all you bitches best be turning off your damn cell phones up in there.

Listening to: Son Of Neckbone - Beastie Boys