Finally, corporate sponsorship matches its content.

Listening to: Put The Blame On Me - Eurythmics

As I was responding to comments on the Afternoon Delight post below, iTunes started to play the only other Starland Vocal Band in my collection, "Baby, You Look Good To Me Tonight". This song includes lyrics such as "And if there’s time to sleep/There’s time to make love" and "I may come easy/But I don’t come free". In my research on SVB today, I was surprised to find that "You Look Good" was never a single, but I distinctly remember hearing it as a kid. Someone around me owned the album I’m sure and, strangely, it wasn’t me. C’mon! I was NINE.

Song count: 11,658

Listening to: Ship Of Fools - Erasure

In 1976, I was 9-years-old (evilly, I’ll make you do the math). It was the 200th birthday of the United States Of America and it was the peak of my naive, non-questioning patriotism. I was so into the birthday celebration I owned an 8-track copy of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s Stars And Stripes Forever (still in print!). This makes me wonder how many other people my age were brought up mixing church and state due to the Bicentennial and then never let it go. It was also the era of “Schoolhouse Rock” where every Saturday morning on ABC we would learn, in song, ’selective’ history of our great country.

But this post is not a rant on how patriotism has become a dirty word. This is all about how I thoroughly albeit unknowingly embarrassed the hell out of my mom.

The big musical news in 1976 was the debut album and smash hit of one of the most successful one-hit wonders in rock history. They were nominated for 5 Grammys that year — winning two including the death-kiss award, Best New Artist and their single, “Afternoon Delight” was a huge hit during the summer. Starland Vocal Band is now the butt of many a joke; however, the song itself is also regarded as a mirror to the decadence of the 70’s ironically mounted on a wall of soft rock.

Flash forward to 1977 where “Afternoon Delight” is now relegated to the confines of over-head speakers at groceries stores — specifically Bi-Lo. Never heard of Bi-Lo? Unless you live in the Carolinas, Georgia or Tennessee then there is a good chance you haven’t; however, it was the place we always purchased groceries until Winn-Dixie built a store close to us.

I’m now 10 — a little more knowledgeable of the world around me, but still lacking a clue of what the hell “Afternoon Delight” is truly about. I think it’s all about having a picnic with your spouse on July 4th and watching fireworks. I’m talking about this lyric:

Rubbin’ sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite
And the thought of lovin’ you is getting so exciting
Skyrockets in flight

At this point, Michael is 3 and in the buggy with Mom. Chris, 7, is running around with me and we’re probably playing a game of Hot Lava with the multi-colored floor tiles. (”Hot Lava”? You know the green tiles are lava and the white tiles are safe and if you step on a green tile you’re dead. DUH! Holy crap! I found a Wikipedia listing for the game!) Mom usually let me do more than other kids because I was always more mature than my age and I usually kept an eye out for Chris so I always got to spend time away, which I’m sure was a nice break for Mom.

As you can imagine, “Afternoon Delight” begins to drift up and down the aisles of canned vegetables and boxed cereals (still my favorite aisle). It’s one of my favorite songs. I would sing it all the time at home and in the car, but we are currently in a very Baptist, Southern and conservative public setting. My mom told me she could hear me three aisles away singing at the top of my lungs things like, “Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite” and “We could make a lot of love before the sun go down”. Turning completely red, she nonchalantly tore across the store with our cart searching frantically to shush me up before the song ended. It’s only three minutes long. I vaguely remember it, but Mom must have quieted me in a way that didn’t scar me since I don’t remember feeling chastised.

Years later we both laughed about how she was never more embarrassed by my actions. When I asked her about it a few weeks ago, she claims she didn’t remember the incident at all but said she remembers the bus station performance in front of a jukebox at the age of 3 or 4 singing The Archies‘ “Sugar, Sugar” for all the waiting passengers over and over again. But that’s a bedtime story for another night. Sweet dreams!

---

I would like to nominate the following lyrics from “Afternoon Delight” as the worst ever written:

I always thought a fish could not be caught who didn’t bite
But you’ve got some bait a-waitin’ and I think I might
By nibblin’ a little afternoon delight

Listening to: The Way We Get By - Spoon

Good Morning Silicon Valley is reporting that Nintendo announced the price for the Wii (pronounced "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!") and it’s very good news:

• PlayStation 3: $400 - 500 depending on which model you get
• Xbox 360: $300 - $400 depending on which model
• Wii: $250 and you get all the features in one model

I can’t wait to play the new Zelda game. Can’t breathe. Must find paper bag.

Listening to: Hungarian Dance No. 6 in D Flat Major - Brahms