Title Vaguely Pointing To Subject Matter
Monday, April 10th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
Fan dull spark of idea into blog entry to continue consecutive daily postings thus ensuring increased readership. Start with non-witty opening statement, e.g. "It’s me again", "…so I walked into a tree". Then vague segue into fat of story. Sprinkle with expletives to increase hits.
Before fat, introduce back story to set-up ‘punch line’. Fill with semi-interesting anecdotes to keep reader from being completely bored and moving on to the next blog. Try ham-fisted transition into story. Sprinkle with expletives to increase hits.
Before story, cue total best friend and tell something funny about them that has nothing to do with story. Include compliments to make sure ‘best’ friend doesn’t sue. Throw in Southern platitude to absolve you of all guilt, i.e. "…bless his/her heart". Sprinkle with expletives to increase hits.
Tell story leading up to pay off. Include all details down to color, style and make of tile upon which ‘friend’ has slipped and fallen on his/her body part du jour. Sprinkle expletives in the dialogue only to make friend sound as uncultured as possible to endear friend to readers with an IQ of 90 or less.
Type pay off in its own paragraph to make sure punch line is not missed as if you are waving your arms and screaming, "Look! This is the funny part! Don’t miss it! Can you believe he/she said this! Did you miss it? Go back and read it again! It’s so funny!"
Continue with other details of events to make story longer than readers’ patience. Include one or more acronyms here to let everyone know you are laughing, too, e.g. "LOL", "OMG", "FOOCAACRAOTFBYASASB". Repeat tomorrow.
Listening to: Open Your Heart - Ladytron
April 10th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Wow. Now you’ve done it. You’ve destroyed the nascent blog industry. The recipe, which should have been a closely guarded military secret, is now out there for just anyone to find. So much for our ability to outblog those countries who “aren’t with us.” Or the countries that ARE with us, but are busy imprisoning and shooting their citizens. I hope you’re happy.
Now, for REAL geekgasms, my solar panel for my well on my property in the middle of nowhere is up and pumping water whenever the sun shines. Hmmm. That sounds vaguely offensive.
April 10th, 2006 at 11:06 pm
First, let me be the next to say: “BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!” It’s meant, of course, to be satarical, but not sure I got it right.
As for your solar panel, I read about that, iWeb just doesn’t let you leave comments! Gaaa! …and then I forgot to send you an email. So did you spend all weekend down there?
You should talk to Hayes about getting comments up on iWeb. In fact, here’s the link to his blog story about it.
And you can say offensive things ONLY if you don’t use any expletives.
April 11th, 2006 at 6:15 am
Did I miss a joke? What is: “FOOCAACRAOTFBYASASB”?!?! :)
April 11th, 2006 at 7:34 am
Okay, I’ll put the key here for anyone. I wish I could print it upside down like on those kids’ menus at Pizza Hut.
“Fallen Out Of Chair And Am Currently Rolling Around The Floor Because You’re Acting….” Crap, I actually forgot the rest. I completely made it up while I was writing the blog. :)
April 11th, 2006 at 9:15 pm
i guess i can just go ahead and stop blogging now.
April 11th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Me? Allow comments on my blog? I read Haye’s quite lucid account of it, but there is an underlying conundrum. Do other people have words to say that could be as or more important than my own? Well, you see the obvious answer to that
Or I could just admit that I’m not willing to invest the time (yet) to allow people to post. I’m sure I will eventually. So thank you.
No, didn’t get to spend the entire weekend down there, only Sunday. A friend came in from out of town at the last minute, so I decided to hang out with him. Maybe THIS weekend….
April 12th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
hubs,
You know anyone who dedicates an entire blog entry to Casa Bonita (Read it here) should never quit blogging.
hermit (I so know your real name),
Hayes said at first it was dauting, but soon after starting the process it got easier thanks to a set-up site he found.
However, I totally understand not wanting folks to spew their non-opinions.
April 14th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Not that it matters at this point, things get so old so quickly, but I remembered what FOOCAACRAOTFBYASASB stands for:
Fallen Out Of Chair And Am Currently Rolling Around The Floor Because You Are Such A Stupid Bitch!
September 8th, 2006 at 9:49 am
Great piece and congratulations on your Spicy !
September 8th, 2006 at 10:21 am
[...] Andy over at The Spicy Cauldron decided to start his own blog awards because, as he said, everyone else was doing it. The stipulation being that the entry submitted had to be spicy in some sense of the word. The entry I finally decided on was my attempt at making fun of blog posts that seem to fall into a typical template. Basically, it was me boiling down the essence of what has become a standard blog post. A type of posting we all are guilty of writing. [...]
September 8th, 2006 at 10:23 am
Thank you, MsDemmie! I need to read the rest of the winners when the boss is gone to lunch. :)
September 8th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
ummm…ya mean acronyms like nnsd?
I’m screwed.
September 8th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
Hey, but you are the only one who I’ve seen use it, so I think it’s your own, baby! Run with it!
September 11th, 2006 at 9:43 am
Hi Howard
Very very funny….and congratulations on winning that’spicy’!!!
(looks anxiously into own blog to make sure she has committed none of the sins above- OMG!)
September 11th, 2006 at 9:50 am
Ahh… thanks! I’m glad you found it funny and, yeah, I’m sure we’ve all done it.
January 26th, 2007 at 4:12 am
[...] a thought for your husbands at home, please! Howard’s very amusing winning entry is called Title Vaguely Pointing to Subject Matter. As Homer Simpson once said, ‘Its funny because it’s true’. Great comedy nearly [...]