I work part-time at a local gay-owned video store in Denver called Videotique (Get it? Your local video boutique?) which is located in the most gay-concentrated area in the metro area. It’s just up the road from Cheesman Park, where you can find volleyball, cruising, socializing, cruising, inline skating, cruising, cars going around in circles, cruising and coffins just under the surface of the park (”You only moved the headstones! Whyyyy?”) and across the street from Queen Soopers (an obvious variation of King Soopers for those not in the know).

I’ve been working for the owners going on 9 years now mostly because the job is more fun than work, most of the customers are great fun and Jim & John are the sweetest bosses known to mankind. In addition, the customers make for a great captive audience to try out all sorts of humor.

Years of working at a gay-focused rental store as taught me many things including these two - 98% of gay film is awful and there is a lot of love for the horror genre within the gay community.

The other night I had one of our best customers come in looking for a copy of Final Destination. He and some friends are going to see Final Destination 3 later that week and he wants to refresh his memory. I remind him, “People cheat Death. Death seeks revenge with interest in sensational, over-the-top ways to ensure the maximum amount of sold tickets.”

He laughs and then coyly admits the shameful truth, “This is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen,” as he brandishes the tape that I’ve just rented to him. “It scared the crap out of me.”

I roll my eyes.

If I wanted to analyze, I’d say he has a death phobia (or necrophobia. I just looked it up), but I’m no psychologist.

“All the deaths could actually happen, so it was hard to watch. I closed my eyes through some of it,” this man in his 40’s says and then starts to laugh off his embarrassment. It’s obvious that he wants to stop talking about Final Destination, so he turns the attention back to me. I can see that gleam in his eye. He wants me to share some dark secret about the time that I watched Jeepers Creepers and was found later in a fetal position in the corner of the basement sucking my thumb with all the lights on. He wants me to admit my shame.

“So what’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?” he asks with relish waiting for my response.

“Glitter.”

Listening to: The Last Time - Eurythmics

Anna Nicolle Smith got her chance to expose her story today before the Supreme Court. The highest court in the land was given the chance to see the naked truth laid spread-eagle before them. A poll of the judges’ decision will be worked later after hours in their private chambers. Any tips that Ms. Smith had inserted into her third-string defense’s strategy are not immediately known, but many opinons will be lapped up and danced across the imaginations of America’s minds.Read the news on CNN.com

Listening to: I Think I’m A Clone Now - “Weird Al” Yankovic

Recently, I heard "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette, which, on the surface, is comprised of situations that are far from ironic. It’s a old joke nowadays about how all the setups in her song are just basically ‘bummers’ and do not in any way, shape or form fit the definition of irony; however, the song itself does.

i ro ny n.

1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.

So "Ironic" is a song about irony with examples that are not ironic at all; therefore, "Ironic" IS ironic. Most have made fun of Alanis for her bad analogies, but I offer another theory: Alanis is a comedic genius. "Ironic" is not about love affairs gone bad and such, it is a song to weed out the pseudo-intelligent who think they know what irony is. Little do they know that on a higher level, "Ironic" is poking fun at them.

It almost makes me want to throw off my clothes a la Alanis, don a robe and start to worship her as my new spiritual leader. I would listen whenever she told me to put my hand in my pocket, fall head over feet or keep my hands clean. I would do whatever current pop-psychobabble she chose for me because I know that even with intense study and devotion, it would take me years to figure out the hidden depths of her genius lyrics.

Don’t you think?

Listening to: Don’t Disturb This Groove - The System

Thank you so much, Lorne, for sending this to me. This is for immature audiences only. ;-)